Accepting Lies and Acknowledging Truth

Accepting the Lies

One thing that I’ve always struggled with is expressing myself. I did fine in the first few years of elementary school, but in the later years, I felt ostracized by my peers, like a victim.  On a few occasions, I remember being hurt by them, being bullied and being teased. I made a couple friends at the end of my fifth grade year, and the beginning of my sixth grade year. But I felt like they weren’t the right group. In all honesty, I wasn’t fair to them, and I probably hurt them when I said that I didn’t want to be in their friend group.

In Jr. High, I wanted to leave who I was behind, and not associate myself with the peers that I felt had treated me wrongly. I wanted to find people who thought as I did, and make new friends. I found a couple people who were odd, and at the time awkward. I didn’t want that again.

But by the end of Jr High I was able to socialize, even with the peers I had thought had done me wrong. One of the things that helped me was Ballroom. It had given me a social outlet, and frankly, saved me from going onto a darker path.

High School is where things became different again. One of the main people that I had gotten to know pretended like I didn’t exist. It hurt. But I still was able to get to know new people and gain more ‘friends at school’. But something that hurt more is that I didn’t get invited to hang out with people. But then I had made two amazing friends, and I ended up hanging out with them. I had found a social group that I felt accepted me. But the problem that arose was that these two were seniors. So come Jr. year, I was in the state of just having ‘friends at school’ again. It sucked, to be honest. I found some more friends that I hung out with a few times over the next two years, but nothing ever happened besides that.

Throughout my childhood I’ve always been blaming others rather than accepting it myself. Thinking that I was subject to their actions, and that I suffered and was hurt by them. And when I look back, I was hurt. I sought friendship from those with the same standards as me, and also that were even in the same religion. Did I continue my efforts? No. I stopped, and I turned away from them. I was filled with a type of resentment towards those people too, because I was not part of their clique or group. I was just an acquaintance. But I never expressed this resentment, hoping that things would change.

Recently, I discovered that I get anxious around the people I had tried to become a part of their groups. I still feel that resentment, I still feel like I was a victim.

Acknowledging the Truth

Something that I’ve learned in the last couple years is that I am in control of what I do. I have the agency to choose things as I would want them to be, and if the situation doesn’t pan out, I still have the agency to act according to what I believe.

I believe that I am a son of God. I believe that He and His Son love me, and that they will never stop loving me. Have they been disappointed with some of my actions, I’m certain, but Their love is unconditional, and never ending.

I have learned that all of the feelings of insecurity, inferiority, victimization and doubt have come from one source. Satan. He has prodded me with thoughts of how these people that I grew up with have wronged me. I let him convince me that I wasn’t worthy of their friendship, and that I wasn’t wanted. But that’s not true.

The biggest lie that I have ever accepted is that I need others approval above all else. But that’s not a divine quality or characteristic. It implies that others make my decisions for me, that others are responsible for my character and beliefs. But this is incorrect. People don’t decide who I am. They might have control over what happens to me, but I decide how to act. I decide how I work through my feelings.

The only approval that I need is that of my Heavenly Father and my Savior. I know that I can align myself with their teachings, and work to understand that they know all, and they know best.

I am not inferior. I may be a victimized, but I decide if I am a victim. I am full of divine potential, and because of this, I have the ability to develop interdependence. I can make my own decisions. I can take responsibility for myself. I can fight Satan, and bring to light all of his lies and deceptions. I a not worthless. I am not a coward.

I am powerful. I am brave. I am intelligent. I can work out my course through my faith in my Heavenly Father. I can work towards perfection, and while I won’t be able to achieve it in this life, I know that in Eternity, through Christ’s Atonement, I will be rewarded for my efforts. I will be rewarded for not giving up the fight.

The truth is that we are berated every day, and have been our entire lives, by Satan. We have been presented with trials and tasks, but what we make of them is up to us. How we rely on our Heavenly Father and our Savior is our choice. They will never abandon us, They will never let us down. They desire that all of us will return to Them.

I know that I can achieve great things. I know that I am meant for greater things than I can even dream of. I know that every situation does not happen to us, but for us. (Joel Osteen) Because of this, I have been and am being prepared for something great, as all of us are. I can either hold onto the resentment, or I can let go, and become greater than I am now.

We all have divine potential. We define our character by our approach to our situation. We can let go. We can move on.

Modesty, Dress Code, and Double Standards

So if you read the title, you have probably figured out what this post is about.  I came across a post in my news feed the other day, and it really bothered me.  I do not know why, but it bothered me enough to blog a post about it.

The post said,

"When you interrupt a girl's school day to force her to change clothes or to send her home because her shorts are short, or her bra straps are visible, you are telling her that hiding her body is more important than her education.

You are telling her that making sure the boys have a distraction-free learning environment is more important than her education.

You are telling her that boys are more entitled to an education than she is.”

This troubled me.  Initially, we are talking about school and education, correct?  Last time I checked every school has dress codes.  Every single one of them.  Some enforce this, and others do not.  Some have school uniforms, and others do not.  Nevertheless, every single school you ever attend, or someone that you know attends, will have a dress code outlined in their policy.

Therefore, what this post said is that we are telling the girl who did not abide by the dress code (because I am pretty sure that the way she dressed is in direct violation of it) that she needs to hide her body, and that it’s “more important than her education”.  But what I don’t understand is, has this girl even read the dress code? The problem is this.  PEOPLE DO NOT ENFORCE THE DRESS CODE!

I say this because it truly is a problem.  Teachers, principals, parents and coaches do not enforce the code.  This really bothers me.  Why do some adults say that modesty is crucial, especially when living in Utah, but they do not at least enforce the dress code?  We might as well say that children can go to school naked.  Honestly, I can say that I will try to enforce modesty with my children when they attend school, and try to teach them the principles behind it in my religion for outside of school.  I will let them choose how they dress, but when it comes to going to school, I am going to be adamant about their attire.  This leads to something very crucial. We are teaching our children wrongly about modesty.

We teach that modesty is important, but we are not concise enough in our definition.  Modesty outside of religion would be attire that complies with the location that you will be attending.  It would be something that follows a code of conduct.  You would not dress in a tank top or a wife beater at a court trial.  At least you probably should not because you want to look like a professional in life, and well put together (That is just the way our society is, a suit or dress that adequately covers your body is what is considered professional, it is not about shame, and never truly has been).  Modesty at school is no different; you should not wear a wife beater or a tank top to school.  This is considered too revealing, it seeks attention, and that is not the purpose for education.

Revealing clothing is considered a distraction, and it does not only apply to girls towards boys.  Some women will look at another and compare themselves.  Some women are attracted to other women.  Men should also be held to the same standard, sagging pants, wearing wife beaters, etc.  Saying something that is revealing or flamboyant shouldn’t merit distraction, would be saying that isn’t exactly what someone is thinking when they put it on in the morning.  They will be thinking that they will catch the eye of the girl or guy that they have had their eye on.

Now modesty in general, religious or otherwise should be this.  You should dress to respect yourself, but also be happy with how you dress.  If men or women have trouble controlling their thoughts about your attire, that is not your fault.  They are in charge of their own mind and actions.  You may influence, but it is not your fault for their train of thought.  We need not judge people by what they wear, or judge them in general.  We most certainly need not OBJECTIFY them by what they wear.  Some say it is simply the way we are programed, but if we are honest about it, that is completely ludicrous.  Some people are aroused by feet!  Others by ears!  It is unfair to say that a person should have to live by my principles when they are in line with the conduct of the venue they are attending.

One of the first things that happened in the post was that the girl was portrayed as the victim.  First, she was not a victim.  She dressed herself for school, but did not select her attire based on the rules and outlined code.  She is only a victim of her own design, so we should not portray her as anything else.  Secondly, it says that the “boys” should “have a distraction-free learning environment.”  Well, last time I checked, people in general are distracted by revealing, flamboyant and offensive (as in what is printed or portrayed on the article) clothing.  That is why we have policies in the first place.  They are there to outline the code of conduct (what is expected of the students), and to work to ensure that the classroom is not subject to distractions.  They are there to ensure that everyone is “entitled to an education”, and not favor any over another, but more importantly, offer the best education we can for each individual.

The double standard that is applied to women should be shot down.  The standard should be applied to women and men.  We expect men to keep their shirts on, we expect them wear shorts on their hips, not on their knees.  We expect both genders to wear clothing that is not considered offensive or vulgar.  We expect people to abide by dress code.  Women do not only distract men, and vice versa.  Men are responsible for their thoughts and actions, whereas women are for their own.  Every person should work not to objectify another.  Period.

Let us work towards respecting others, but also not looking to purposely sway people’s thoughts with our actions or attire.  Be comfortable in what you wear, but make sure it abides by the institution’s standards of where you are going.  Do not expect to be the exception to a rule that is supposed to be applied to all.  Both boys and girls should abide by the dress code.  Teachers, principals, parents and coaches should enforce such standards.  It is part of their responsibility.  Let us take responsibility and follow the codes we have agreed to abide by.

Life is Hard

No one ever said it was easy. If anyone has or does, they were\are lying. But that doesn't mean life isn't worth it. Life is hard, difficult, a constant uphill battle, but it is always worth fighting for. ALWAYS!

Life takes work. Work on bettering yourself, work on improving your environment, and work on improving your future. Yes, it does take work, but what is so bad about work?

When we exercise and diet, we work for a better body. When we get into shape, we feel better, more energized, and literally happier. When we did/do homework, we don't work at it to stay stagnant in that subject. We work to learn, to create pathways in our minds and skills that enable us to understand and do better.

Some things come easy to some people, but that does not mean everything does. There may be people out there that give you the impression that life has given them everything that they wanted, and you may even covet what they have. But don't, not even for a second, judge them, assume that it was plainly and immediately given to them. They worked hard for what they have, or those they love have, they worked hard for what they have been given or what they give.

Life doesn't come easy to anyone, some may appear to have it easy, but you don't know them, you don't know what they've been through, what they're going through, or even what they truly want out of life. Don't assume to think that you get to judge them. But don't forget to love them.

Every single person here in this world, this life, is here by design. We all wanted the same thing before we came here, so here we all are.

So if something is hard for you, speak up. Receive the help you need. If you see someone struggle, stand up, give them the help that they need. But remember that we can't do everything for someone. We can't grow if we're coddled in a small space.

We must help each other to be adventurous, to be optimistic in our activities. To take defeat not as a failure, but as something constructive. It may be learning how to not get what you want, but that doesn't mean you can't have it, but that maybe you just won't be receiving it in the manner or way that you intended. But we don't have to receive things our way to grow and progress. Life is not designed that way.

Life is designed by God to give us trials and growing periods, tests of faith, diligence, hope, and sheer determination and power of will. Our agency and freedom to decide for ourselves is the only thing holding us back, but more importantly, it is the only thing that can move us forward.

We get to decide if the mountain is too high for us to climb, we get to decide if the water is too far to cross. But I will tell you this, that that mountain is never too high to climb, the water is never to far cross, because we can do anything with humility in our hearts and minds, and with the petition for the divine help of our Heavenly Father and his Son, our Savior, Jesus Christ.

We may not be able to overcome our obstacles immediately, but through divine help and through our devotion to God, we can overcome, achieve, and receive anything that we desire. It requires love, patience, diligence, and you guessed it, work. Work today, work tomorrow, work forever. But the thing to remember is that it won't always seem like work.

A marathon will seem long in the beginning, but as you work towards those 26.2 miles, you become stronger. The trek is no less difficult, and the task is not simpler, but as you continue to work, you become stronger. You become more able to accomplish that run.

One of the laws of Physics that I remember learning in high school was that if you have to mop the floor, you can do it quickly or do it slowly, but no matter what length of time, you will have the same result based on the Work that you put into the task. The only difference is, when you apply this to life, is efficiency.

Efficiency in a machine determines whether or not energy is being lost to loose objects, incorrect parts, and overall how well the maintenance has been done. If the machine has been properly taken care of, it will complete the task with greatest efficiency: the least amount of time for the best result possible.

We strive to be efficient. Efficient in our jobs, our relationships, and in our life in general. 

One of our greatest fears is that we are useless. We have no purpose, no potential. But you do! We all do!

We were tasked to come here to earth. We were tasked to find the lights of truth in the sky full of darkness. Little do we know, that while we are tasked to learn, grow and gather this light, that on the other side of that blanket of night, others who have worked hard and who now desire to help us, are poking out holes. They are letting the light through, but if we don't work to keep the pinpoints open, we will be shrouded in darkness. We will be lost and wayward, like a ship with no lighthouse. But if we work to keep those truths in our hearts, they will expand from those tiny pinpoints of light. And, eventually, we will see as those who are trying to help us see: the entire light, and the entire truth, as it is, absolute!

Work is designed for improvement. Work is designed for innovation, for us to better ourselves, each other and the world around us. Work is designed for us to grow, progress in this part of our life, that we may know how to progress in the next. Your tasks may be hard, but they are not impossible. You are not alone. You have your brothers, your sisters. You have the very being that created the cosmos, and you have our Savior who arranged for us to be able to do the same.

He died for us, and rose, so we may rise again. He suffered for every wrong we have ever committed, whether we come to Him or not. He experienced everything, every joy, every pain, every loss, every gain.

He knows how your child with cancer feels every time he goes to receive chemotherapy. He knows how you felt when your loved one passed away, and knows how you long for them and their presence every single day. He knows how happy it is to hold a new child for the first time. He knows how it feels when someone is so depressed, that they take their own life. He knows how it feels to be rejected by your own, to be humiliated by your peers, to give love where it may never be acknowledged. But His love and gift to us does not have to be wasted.

We can receive Him every time he knocks on our door. We can have faith in Him and his sacrifice for our sins. And we can be forgiven by Him through our diligence and obedience to His laws.

He desires our fellowship, and for us to follow Him, as does our Heavenly Father. They desire us to gain the joy of truth. They desire us to achieve the greatest blessings that They can give. They desire us to not only receive Salvation, but also Exaltation. They long for every single individual to have ALL that They have, and it is attainable.

ALL that They have can be ours, through our work, our growth, our progression. Through our obedience to the divine laws that have been set before us. Through our exercised faith and hope in our Savior. Through our work towards Heaven, and not towards the World.

Work is the deciding factor. And how great is it that we can decide! We can choose this great thing, we can become Gods and Goddesses in Eternity! We can choose truth and unequivocal joy! But it's up to each of us, because when it comes to Eternity, we will never be forced to choose God or choose the devil. It's our decision as to how we deal with our trials, what we do, where we go, and what we want.

Find your divine desires, find the love for others and love for our Savior, as he has given nothing but love to each of us. Find your hope and faith in Him, and don't ever let it go. It is too precious, it is too sacred to forget and forsake. He loves us, He and our Father in Heaven. They know each and every one of us by name.

Don't give up, don't stop fighting for the divine truth in your life, and don't stop working towards the divinity that can be yours.

Life will take its turns, it will have its difficulties, and it most certainly will have its trials. But we have to remember that even though life is hard, it is worth it!