Accepting Lies and Acknowledging Truth

Accepting the Lies

One thing that I’ve always struggled with is expressing myself. I did fine in the first few years of elementary school, but in the later years, I felt ostracized by my peers, like a victim.  On a few occasions, I remember being hurt by them, being bullied and being teased. I made a couple friends at the end of my fifth grade year, and the beginning of my sixth grade year. But I felt like they weren’t the right group. In all honesty, I wasn’t fair to them, and I probably hurt them when I said that I didn’t want to be in their friend group.

In Jr. High, I wanted to leave who I was behind, and not associate myself with the peers that I felt had treated me wrongly. I wanted to find people who thought as I did, and make new friends. I found a couple people who were odd, and at the time awkward. I didn’t want that again.

But by the end of Jr High I was able to socialize, even with the peers I had thought had done me wrong. One of the things that helped me was Ballroom. It had given me a social outlet, and frankly, saved me from going onto a darker path.

High School is where things became different again. One of the main people that I had gotten to know pretended like I didn’t exist. It hurt. But I still was able to get to know new people and gain more ‘friends at school’. But something that hurt more is that I didn’t get invited to hang out with people. But then I had made two amazing friends, and I ended up hanging out with them. I had found a social group that I felt accepted me. But the problem that arose was that these two were seniors. So come Jr. year, I was in the state of just having ‘friends at school’ again. It sucked, to be honest. I found some more friends that I hung out with a few times over the next two years, but nothing ever happened besides that.

Throughout my childhood I’ve always been blaming others rather than accepting it myself. Thinking that I was subject to their actions, and that I suffered and was hurt by them. And when I look back, I was hurt. I sought friendship from those with the same standards as me, and also that were even in the same religion. Did I continue my efforts? No. I stopped, and I turned away from them. I was filled with a type of resentment towards those people too, because I was not part of their clique or group. I was just an acquaintance. But I never expressed this resentment, hoping that things would change.

Recently, I discovered that I get anxious around the people I had tried to become a part of their groups. I still feel that resentment, I still feel like I was a victim.

Acknowledging the Truth

Something that I’ve learned in the last couple years is that I am in control of what I do. I have the agency to choose things as I would want them to be, and if the situation doesn’t pan out, I still have the agency to act according to what I believe.

I believe that I am a son of God. I believe that He and His Son love me, and that they will never stop loving me. Have they been disappointed with some of my actions, I’m certain, but Their love is unconditional, and never ending.

I have learned that all of the feelings of insecurity, inferiority, victimization and doubt have come from one source. Satan. He has prodded me with thoughts of how these people that I grew up with have wronged me. I let him convince me that I wasn’t worthy of their friendship, and that I wasn’t wanted. But that’s not true.

The biggest lie that I have ever accepted is that I need others approval above all else. But that’s not a divine quality or characteristic. It implies that others make my decisions for me, that others are responsible for my character and beliefs. But this is incorrect. People don’t decide who I am. They might have control over what happens to me, but I decide how to act. I decide how I work through my feelings.

The only approval that I need is that of my Heavenly Father and my Savior. I know that I can align myself with their teachings, and work to understand that they know all, and they know best.

I am not inferior. I may be a victimized, but I decide if I am a victim. I am full of divine potential, and because of this, I have the ability to develop interdependence. I can make my own decisions. I can take responsibility for myself. I can fight Satan, and bring to light all of his lies and deceptions. I a not worthless. I am not a coward.

I am powerful. I am brave. I am intelligent. I can work out my course through my faith in my Heavenly Father. I can work towards perfection, and while I won’t be able to achieve it in this life, I know that in Eternity, through Christ’s Atonement, I will be rewarded for my efforts. I will be rewarded for not giving up the fight.

The truth is that we are berated every day, and have been our entire lives, by Satan. We have been presented with trials and tasks, but what we make of them is up to us. How we rely on our Heavenly Father and our Savior is our choice. They will never abandon us, They will never let us down. They desire that all of us will return to Them.

I know that I can achieve great things. I know that I am meant for greater things than I can even dream of. I know that every situation does not happen to us, but for us. (Joel Osteen) Because of this, I have been and am being prepared for something great, as all of us are. I can either hold onto the resentment, or I can let go, and become greater than I am now.

We all have divine potential. We define our character by our approach to our situation. We can let go. We can move on.

Modesty, Dress Code, and Double Standards

So if you read the title, you have probably figured out what this post is about.  I came across a post in my news feed the other day, and it really bothered me.  I do not know why, but it bothered me enough to blog a post about it.

The post said,

"When you interrupt a girl's school day to force her to change clothes or to send her home because her shorts are short, or her bra straps are visible, you are telling her that hiding her body is more important than her education.

You are telling her that making sure the boys have a distraction-free learning environment is more important than her education.

You are telling her that boys are more entitled to an education than she is.”

This troubled me.  Initially, we are talking about school and education, correct?  Last time I checked every school has dress codes.  Every single one of them.  Some enforce this, and others do not.  Some have school uniforms, and others do not.  Nevertheless, every single school you ever attend, or someone that you know attends, will have a dress code outlined in their policy.

Therefore, what this post said is that we are telling the girl who did not abide by the dress code (because I am pretty sure that the way she dressed is in direct violation of it) that she needs to hide her body, and that it’s “more important than her education”.  But what I don’t understand is, has this girl even read the dress code? The problem is this.  PEOPLE DO NOT ENFORCE THE DRESS CODE!

I say this because it truly is a problem.  Teachers, principals, parents and coaches do not enforce the code.  This really bothers me.  Why do some adults say that modesty is crucial, especially when living in Utah, but they do not at least enforce the dress code?  We might as well say that children can go to school naked.  Honestly, I can say that I will try to enforce modesty with my children when they attend school, and try to teach them the principles behind it in my religion for outside of school.  I will let them choose how they dress, but when it comes to going to school, I am going to be adamant about their attire.  This leads to something very crucial. We are teaching our children wrongly about modesty.

We teach that modesty is important, but we are not concise enough in our definition.  Modesty outside of religion would be attire that complies with the location that you will be attending.  It would be something that follows a code of conduct.  You would not dress in a tank top or a wife beater at a court trial.  At least you probably should not because you want to look like a professional in life, and well put together (That is just the way our society is, a suit or dress that adequately covers your body is what is considered professional, it is not about shame, and never truly has been).  Modesty at school is no different; you should not wear a wife beater or a tank top to school.  This is considered too revealing, it seeks attention, and that is not the purpose for education.

Revealing clothing is considered a distraction, and it does not only apply to girls towards boys.  Some women will look at another and compare themselves.  Some women are attracted to other women.  Men should also be held to the same standard, sagging pants, wearing wife beaters, etc.  Saying something that is revealing or flamboyant shouldn’t merit distraction, would be saying that isn’t exactly what someone is thinking when they put it on in the morning.  They will be thinking that they will catch the eye of the girl or guy that they have had their eye on.

Now modesty in general, religious or otherwise should be this.  You should dress to respect yourself, but also be happy with how you dress.  If men or women have trouble controlling their thoughts about your attire, that is not your fault.  They are in charge of their own mind and actions.  You may influence, but it is not your fault for their train of thought.  We need not judge people by what they wear, or judge them in general.  We most certainly need not OBJECTIFY them by what they wear.  Some say it is simply the way we are programed, but if we are honest about it, that is completely ludicrous.  Some people are aroused by feet!  Others by ears!  It is unfair to say that a person should have to live by my principles when they are in line with the conduct of the venue they are attending.

One of the first things that happened in the post was that the girl was portrayed as the victim.  First, she was not a victim.  She dressed herself for school, but did not select her attire based on the rules and outlined code.  She is only a victim of her own design, so we should not portray her as anything else.  Secondly, it says that the “boys” should “have a distraction-free learning environment.”  Well, last time I checked, people in general are distracted by revealing, flamboyant and offensive (as in what is printed or portrayed on the article) clothing.  That is why we have policies in the first place.  They are there to outline the code of conduct (what is expected of the students), and to work to ensure that the classroom is not subject to distractions.  They are there to ensure that everyone is “entitled to an education”, and not favor any over another, but more importantly, offer the best education we can for each individual.

The double standard that is applied to women should be shot down.  The standard should be applied to women and men.  We expect men to keep their shirts on, we expect them wear shorts on their hips, not on their knees.  We expect both genders to wear clothing that is not considered offensive or vulgar.  We expect people to abide by dress code.  Women do not only distract men, and vice versa.  Men are responsible for their thoughts and actions, whereas women are for their own.  Every person should work not to objectify another.  Period.

Let us work towards respecting others, but also not looking to purposely sway people’s thoughts with our actions or attire.  Be comfortable in what you wear, but make sure it abides by the institution’s standards of where you are going.  Do not expect to be the exception to a rule that is supposed to be applied to all.  Both boys and girls should abide by the dress code.  Teachers, principals, parents and coaches should enforce such standards.  It is part of their responsibility.  Let us take responsibility and follow the codes we have agreed to abide by.